Abusive power and control
Abusive power and control (also controlling behavior and coercive control) is the way that an abusive person gains and maintains power and control over another person in order to subject that victim to psychological, physical, sexual, or financial abuse. The motivations of the abuser are varied and can include devaluation, envy, personal gain, personal gratification, psychological projection, or just for the sake of the enjoyment of exercising power and control.
Controlling abusers use tactics to exert power and control over their victims. The tactics themselves are psychologically and sometimes physically abusive. Control may be helped through economic abuse thus limiting the victim's actions as they may then lack the necessary resources to resist the abuse. The goal of the abuser is to control and intimidate the victim or to influence them to feel that they do not have an equal voice in the relationship.
Manipulators and abusers control their victims with a range of tactics, including positive reinforcement (such as praise, superficial charm, flattery, ingratiation, love bombing, smiling, gifts, attention), negative reinforcement, intermittent or partial reinforcement, psychological punishment (such as nagging, silent treatment, swearing, threats, intimidation, emotional blackmail, guilt trips, inattention) and traumatic tactics (such as verbal abuse or explosive anger).
The vulnerabilities of the victim are exploited with those who are particularly vulnerable being most often selected as targets. Traumatic bonding can occur between the abuser and victim as the result of ongoing cycles of abuse in which the intermittent reinforcement of reward and punishment creates powerful emotional bonds that are resistant to change and a climate of fear. An attempt may be made to normalise, legitimise, rationalise, deny, or minimise the abusive behaviour, or blame the victim for it.
Isolation, gaslighting, mind games, lying, disinformation, propaganda, destabilisation, brainwashing and divide and rule are other strategies that are often used. The victim may be plied with alcohol or drugs or deprived of sleep to help disorientate them.
Certain personality types feel particularly compelled to control other people.
- Those with antisocial personality disorder tend to display glibness, giving them a grandiose sense of self-worth. Due to their callous and unemotional traits, they are well suited to con and/or manipulate others into complying with their wishes.
- Those with borderline personality disorder tend to display black-and-white thinking and no sense of self-worth.
- Those with histrionic personality disorder need to be the center of attention; and in turn, draw people in so they may use (and eventually dispose of) their relationship.
- Those with narcissistic personality disorder have an inflated self-importance, hypersensitivity to criticism and a sense of entitlement that compels them to persuade others to comply with their requests. To maintain their self-esteem, and protect their vulnerable true selves, narcissists need to control others' behavior – particularly that of their children seen as extensions of themselves.
- Those with sadistic personality disorder derive pleasure from the distress caused by their aggressive, demeaning and cruel behavior towards others. They have poor ability to control their reactions and become enraged by minor disturbances, with some sadists being more severely abusive. They use a wide range of behaviors to inappropriately control others, ranging from hostile glances, threats, humiliation, coercion, and restricting others' autonomy. Often the purpose of their behavior is to control and intimidate others. The sadistic individual are likely rigid in their beliefs, intolerant of other races or other "out-groups", authoritarian, and malevolent. They may seek positions in which they are able to exert power over others, such as a judge, army sergeant or psychiatrist who misuse their positions of power to control or brutalize others. For instance, a psychiatrist may institutionalize a patient by misusing mental health legislation.
Control freaks are often perfectionists defending themselves against their own inner vulnerabilities in the belief that if they are not in total control they risk exposing themselves once more to childhood angst. Such persons manipulate and pressure others to change so as to avoid having to change themselves, and use power over others to escape an inner emptiness. When a control freak's pattern is broken, the controller is left with a terrible feeling of powerlessness but feeling their pain and fear brings them back to themselves.
In terms of personality-type theory, control freaks are very much the Type A personality, driven by the need to dominate and control. An obsessive need to control others is also associated with antisocial personality disorder.
Braiker identified the following ways that manipulators control their victims:
- Positive reinforcement: includes praise, superficial charm, superficial sympathy (crocodile tears), excessive apologizing, money, approval, gifts, attention, facial expressions such as a forced laugh or smile, and public recognition.
- Negative reinforcement: involves removing one from a negative situation as a reward, e.g. "You won't have to do your homework if you allow me to do this to you."
- Intermittent or partial reinforcement: Partial or intermittent negative reinforcement can create an effective climate of fear and doubt. Partial or intermittent positive reinforcement can encourage the victim to persist.
- Punishment: includes nagging, yelling, the silent treatment, intimidation, threats, swearing, emotional blackmail, the guilt trip, sulking, crying, and playing the victim.
- Traumatic one-trial learning: using verbal abuse, explosive anger, or other intimidating behavior to establish dominance or superiority; even one incident of such behavior can condition or train victims to avoid upsetting, confronting or contradicting the manipulator.
Manipulators may have:
- a strong need to attain feelings of power and superiority in relationships with others
- a want and need to feel in control
- a desire to gain a feeling of power over others in order to raise their perception of self-esteem.
Emotional blackmail is a term coined by psychotherapist Susan Forward, about controlling people in relationships and the theory that fear, obligation and guilt (FOG) are the transactional dynamics at play between the controller and the person being controlled. Understanding these dynamics is useful to anyone trying to extricate from the controlling behavior of another person, and deal with their own compulsions to do things that are uncomfortable, undesirable, burdensome, or self-sacrificing for others.
Forward and Frazier identify four blackmail types each with their own mental manipulation style:
|Punisher's threat||Eat the food I cooked for you or I'll hurt you.|
|Self-punisher's threat||Eat the food I cooked for you or I'll hurt myself.|
|Sufferer's threat||Eat the food I cooked for you. I was saving it for myself. I wonder what will happen now?|
|Tantalizer's threat||Eat the food I cooked for you and you just may get a really yummy dessert.|
There are different levels of demands – demands that are of little consequence, demands that involve important issues or personal integrity, demands that affect major life decisions, and/or demands that are dangerous or illegal.
The silent treatment is sometimes used as a control mechanism. When so used, it constitutes a passive-aggressive action characterized by the coupling of nonverbal but nonetheless unambiguous indications of the presence of negative emotion with the refusal to discuss the scenario triggering those emotions and, when those emotions' source is unclear to the other party, occasionally the refusal to clarify it or even to identify that source at all. As a result, the perpetrator of the silent treatment denies the victim both the opportunity to negotiate an after-the-fact settlement of the grievance in question and the ability to modify his/her future behavior to avoid giving further offense. In especially severe cases, even if the victim gives in and accedes to the perpetrator's initial demands, the perpetrator may continue the silent treatment so as to deny the victim feedback indicating that those demands have been satisfied. The silent treatment thereby enables its perpetrator to cause hurt, obtain ongoing attention in the form of repeated attempts by the victim to restore dialogue, maintain a position of power through creating uncertainty over how long the verbal silence and associated impossibility of resolution will last, and derive the satisfaction that the perpetrator associates with each of these consequences.
The expression has been used to describe the tactics used by pimps and gang members to control their victims, as well as to describe the behavior of an abusive narcissist who tries to win the confidence of a victim.
One sense of mind games is a largely conscious struggle for psychological one-upmanship, often employing passive–aggressive behavior to specifically demoralize or dis-empower the thinking subject, making the aggressor look superior; also referred to as "power games".
In intimate relationships, mind games can be used to undermine one partner's belief in the validity of their own perceptions. Personal experience may be denied and driven from memory; and such abusive mind games may extend to denial of the victim's reality, social undermining, and the trivializing of what is felt to be important. Both sexes have equal opportunities for such verbal coercion, which may be carried out unconsciously as a result of the need to maintain one's own self-deception.
Divide and conquer
A primary strategy the narcissist uses to assert control, particularly within their family, is to create divisions among individuals. This weakens and isolates them, making it easier for the narcissist to manipulate and dominate. Some are favoured, others are scapegoated. Such dynamics can play out in a workplace setting.
In an intimate relationship
The power and control "wheel" was developed in 1982 by the Domestic Abuse Program in Minneapolis to explain the nature of abuse, to delineate the forms of abuse used to control another person, and to educate people with the goal of stopping violence and abuse. The model is used in many batterer intervention programs, and is known as the Duluth model. Power and control is generally present with violent physical and sexual abuse.
Often the abusers are initially attentive, charming and loving, gaining the trust of the individual that will ultimately become the victim, also known as the survivor. When there is a connection and a degree of trust, the abusers become unusually involved in their partner's feelings, thoughts and actions. Next, they set petty rules and exhibit "pathological jealousy". A conditioning process begins with alternation of loving followed by abusive behavior. According to Counselling Survivors of Domestic Abuse, "These serve to confuse the survivor leading to potent conditioning processes that impact on the survivor's self-structure and cognitive schemas." The abuser projects responsibility for the abuse on to the victim, or survivor, and the denigration and negative projections become incorporated into the survivor's self-image.
|Gain trust||Overinvolvement||Petty rules and jealousy||Manipulation, power and control||Traumatic bonding|
|The potential abuser is attentive, loving, charming||The abuser becomes overly involved in the daily life and use of time||Rules begin to be inserted to begin control of the relationship. Jealousy is considered by the abuser to be "an act of love"||The victim is blamed for the abuser's behavior and becomes coerced and manipulated||Ongoing cycles of abuse can lead to traumatic bonding|
Controlling abusers use multiple tactics to exert power and control over their partners. According to Jill Cory and Karen McAndless-Davis, authors of When Love Hurts: A Woman's Guide to Understanding Abuse in Relationships: Each of the tactics within the power and control wheel are used to "maintain power and control in the relationship. No matter what tactics your partner uses, the effect is to control and intimidate you or to influence you to feel that you do not have an equal voice in the relationship."
Coercion and threats
A tool for exerting control and power is the use of threats and coercion. The victim may be subject to threats that they will be left, hurt, or reported to welfare. The abuser may threaten that they will commit suicide. They may also coerce them to perform illegal actions or to drop charges that they may have against their abuser. Strangulation, a particularly pernicious abusive behavior in which the abuser literally has the victim's life in his hands, is an extreme form of abusive control. Sorenson and colleagues have called strangulation the domestic violence equivalent of waterboarding, which is widely considered to be a form of torture.
At its most effective, the abuser creates intimidation and fear through unpredictable and inconsistent behavior. Absolute control may be sought by any of four types of sadists: explosive, enforcing, tyrannical, or spineless sadists. The victims are at risk of anxiety, dissociation, depression, shame, low self-esteem and suicidal ideation.
Abused individuals may be intimidated by the brandishing of weapons, destruction of their property or other things, or use of gestures or looks to create fear. For example, threatening to use a gun or simply displaying the weapon is a form of intimidation and coercive control.
An effective means of ensuring control and power over another is to control their access to money. One method is to prevent the abusee from getting or retaining a job. Controlling their access to money can also be done by withholding information and access to family income, taking their money, requiring the person to ask for money, giving them an allowance, or filing a power of attorney or conservatorship, particularly in the case of economic abuse of the elderly.
Emotional abuse include name-calling, playing mind games, putting the victim down, or humiliating the individual. The goals are to make the person feel bad about themselves, feel guilty or think that they are crazy.
Another element of psychological control is the isolation of the victim from the outside world. Isolation includes controlling a person's social activity: who they see, who they talk to, where they go, and any other method to limit their access to others. It may also include limiting what material is read. It can include insisting on knowing where they are and requiring permission for medical care. The abuser exhibits hypersensitive and reactive jealousy.
Minimizing, denying and blaming
The abuser may deny the abuse occurred to attempt to place the responsibility for their behavior on the victim. Minimizing concerns or the degree of the abuse is another aspect of this control.
Using children and pets
Children may be used to exert control by the abuser threatening to take the children or making them feel guilty about the children. It could include harassing them during visitation or using the children to relay messages. Another controlling tactic is abusing pets.
Using "privilege" means that the abuser defines the roles in the relationship, makes the important decisions, treats the individual like a servant and acts like the "master of the castle".
In the workplace
A power and control model has been developed for the workplace, divided into the following categories:
- overt actions
- covert actions
- emotional control
- economic control
- management privilege
- Entry – psychopath will use highly developed social skills and charm to obtain employment into an organisation. At this stage it will be difficult to spot anything which is indicative of psychopathic behaviour, and as a new employee you might perceive the psychopath to be helpful and even benevolent.
- Assessment – psychopath will weigh you up according to your usefulness, and you could be recognised as either a pawn (who has some informal influence and will be easily manipulated) or a patron (who has formal power and will be used by the psychopath to protect against attacks)
- Manipulation – psychopath will create a scenario of "psychopathic fiction" where positive information about themselves and negative disinformation about others will be created, where your role as a part of a network of pawns or patrons will be utilised and you will be groomed into accepting the psychopath's agenda.
- Confrontation – the psychopath will use techniques of character assassination to maintain his/her agenda, and you will be either discarded as a pawn or used as a patron
- Ascension – your role as a patron in the psychopath's quest for power will be discarded, and the psychopath will take for himself/herself a position of power and prestige from anyone who once supported them.
According to anti-bullying author and activist Tim Field, bullies are attracted to the caring professions, such as medicine, by the opportunities to exercise power over vulnerable clients, and over vulnerable employees and students.
Institutional abuse is the maltreatment of a person (often children or older adults) from a system of power. This can range from acts similar to home-based child abuse, such as neglect, physical and sexual abuse, and hunger, to the effects of assistance programs working below acceptable service standards, or relying on harsh or unfair ways to modify behavior.
The use of coercion by perpetrators and traffickers involves the use of extreme control. Perpetrators expose the victim to high amounts of psychological stress induced by threats, fear, and physical and emotional violence. Tactics of coercion are reportedly used in three phases of trafficking: recruitment, initiation, and indoctrination. During the initiation phase, traffickers use foot-in-the-door techniques of persuasion to lead their victims into various trafficking industries. This manipulation creates an environment where the victim becomes completely dependent upon the authority of the trafficker. Traffickers take advantage of family dysfunction, homelessness, and history of childhood abuse to psychologically manipulate women and children into the trafficking industry.
The goal of a trafficker is to turn a human being into a slave. To do this, perpetrators employ tactics that can lead to the psychological consequence of learned helplessness for the victims, where they sense that they no longer have any autonomy or control over their lives. Traffickers may hold their victims captive, expose them to large amounts of alcohol or use drugs, keep them in isolation, or withhold food or sleep. During this time the victim often begins to feel the onset of depression, guilt and self-blame, anger and rage, and sleep disturbances, PTSD, numbing, and extreme stress. Under these pressures, the victim can fall into the hopeless mental state of learned helplessness.
Children are especially vulnerable to these developmental and psychological consequences of trafficking because they are so young. In order to gain complete control of the child, traffickers often destroy physical and mental health of the children through persistent physical and emotional abuse. Stockholm syndrome is also a common problem for girls while they are trafficked, which can hinder them from both trying to escape, and moving forward in psychological recovery programs.
Oppression is the exercise of authority or power in a burdensome, cruel, or unjust manner.
The practice of repression in Zersetzung comprised extensive and secret methods of control and psychological manipulation, including personal relationships of the target, for which the Stasi relied on its network of informal collaborators, (in German inoffizielle Mitarbeiter or IM), the State's power over institutions, and on operational psychology. Using targeted psychological attacks the Stasi tried to deprive a dissident of any chance of a "hostile action".
The main objective for one type of serial killer is to gain and exert power over their victim. Such killers are sometimes abused as children, leaving them with feelings of powerlessness and inadequacy as adults. Many power or control-motivated killers sexually abuse their victims, but they differ from hedonistic killers in that rape is not motivated by lust (as it would be with a lust murder) but as simply another form of dominating the victim. (See article causes of sexual violence for the differences regarding anger rape, power rape, and sadistic rape.) Ted Bundy is an example of a power/control-oriented serial killer.
In December 2015, controlling or coercive behaviour in an intimate or family relationship was made illegal in England and Wales. In 2018, Jordan Worth became the first woman to be convicted under this new law.
- Adult-to-adult narcissistic abuse
- Abuse of power
- Animal industrial complex
- Child grooming
- Climate of fear
- Control of time in power relationships
- Cycle of violence
- Elder abuse
- Expressions of dominance
- Fit in or fuck off
- Mind control
- My way or the highway
- Personal boundaries
- Power and Control: Domestic Violence in America
- Protection racket
- Sharp power
- Superficial charm
- Victim playing
- Economic abuse wheel. Women's Domestic Abuse Helpline. Retrieved December 13, 2016.
- Jill Cory; Karen McAndless-Davis. When Love Hurts: A Woman's Guide to Understanding Abuse in Relationships. WomanKind Press; 1 January 2000. ISBN 978-0-9686016-0-0. p. 30.
- Braiker, Harriet B. (2004). Who's Pulling Your Strings ? How to Break The Cycle of Manipulation. ISBN 0-07-144672-9.
- Simon, George K (1996). In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People. ISBN 978-1-935166-30-6.
- Kantor, Martin (2006). The Psychopathology of Everyday Life: How to Deal with Manipulative People. ISBN 978-0-275-98798-5.
- Chrissie Sanderson. Counselling Survivors of Domestic Abuse. Jessica Kingsley Publishers; 15 June 2008. ISBN 978-1-84642-811-1
- Crosson-Tower, Cynthia (2005). UNDERSTANDING CHILD ABUSE AND NEGLECT. Allyn & Bacon. p. 208. ISBN 0-205-40183-X.
- Monique Mattei Ferraro; Eoghan Casey; Michael McGrath; Michael McGrath (2005). Investigating Child Exploitation and Pornography: The Internet, the Law and Forensic Science. Academic Press. p. 159. ISBN 0121631052. Retrieved April 6, 2016.
- Christiane Sanderson (2006). Counselling Adult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse. Jessica Kingsley Publishers. ISBN 1843103354. Retrieved April 6, 2016.
- Sleep Deprivation Used as Abuse Tactic
- Family and Domestic Violence – Healthy Work Healthy Living Tip Sheet
- Larsen, Randy J., and David M. Buss. Personality Psychology: Domains of Knowledge about Human Nature. New York: McGraw-Hill Higher Education, 2010. Print.
- Rappoport, Alan, Ph. D.Co-Narcissism: How We Adapt to Narcissism. The Therapist, 2005.
- Adrian Raine; José Sanmartin.
- Michelle N. Lafrance, Women and Depression (2009) p. 89
- Art Horn, Face It (2004) p. 53
- Robin Skynner/John Cleese, Families and how to survive them (London 1994) p. 208
- Robert Bly and Marion Woodman, The Maiden King (Dorset 1999) p. 141
- Patricia Evans, Controlling People (Avon 2002) p. 129 and p. 274
- Andrew Holmes/Dan Wilson, Pains in the Office (2004) p. 56
- Martha Stout, The Sociopath Next Door (2005) p. 47
- Johnson, R. Skip (16 August 2014). "Emotional Blackmail: Fear, Obligation and Guilt (FOG)". BPDFamily.com. Retrieved 18 October 2014.
- Susan Forward/Donna Frazier, Emotional Blackmail (London 1997) p. 28, 82, 145, 169
- Petra Boynton The Telegraph (26 Apr 2013) Silent treatment: how to snap him out of it
- Gangs and Girls: Understanding Juvenile Prostitution, Michel Dorais, Patrice Corriveau, McGill-Queen's Press – MQUP, Jan 1, 2009, page 38
- Red Flag of a Narcissist #1: Love Bombing Archived 2015-08-23 at the Wayback Machine; My Narcissistic Ex-Husband
- "Helen Bailey murder trial: Ian Stewart 'grossly deceived' author". BBC News Online. BBC. 16 February 2017. Retrieved 22 February 2017.
- Gita Mammen, After Abuse (2006) p. 29
- Kathleen J, Ferraro, Neither Angels nor Demons (2006) p. 82
- R. D. Laing, The Politics of Experience (Penguin 1984) p. 31
- Laurie Maguire, Where there's a Will there's a Way (London 2007) p. 76
- Kate Fillion, Lip Service (London 1997) p. 244
- R. D. Laing, Self and Others (Penguin 1969) p. 143
- Hall J It’s You and Me Baby: Narcissist Head Games The Narcissist Family Files 27 Mar 2017
- Dr. Joan McClennen PhD. Social Work and Family Violence: Theories, Assessment, and Intervention. Springer Publishing Company; 8 February 2010. ISBN 978-0-8261-1133-3. p. 147.
- Global and regional estimates of violence against women: prevalence and health effects of intimate partner violence and non-partner sexual violence. World Health Organization. 2013. ISBN 978-92-4-156462-5. p. 7.
- Dr. Joan McClennen PhD. Social Work and Family Violence: Theories, Assessment, and Intervention. Springer Publishing Company; 8 February 2010. ISBN 978-0-8261-1133-3. p. 148.
- Dr. Joan McClennen PhD. Social Work and Family Violence: Theories, Assessment, and Intervention. Springer Publishing Company; 8 February 2010. ISBN 978-0-8261-1133-3. p. 149.
- Power and Control. Duluth Model. Retrieved April 19, 2014.
- Thomas, KA; Joshi, M; Sorenson, SB (2014). ""Do you know what it feels like to drown?": Strangulation as coercive control in intimate relationships". Psychology of Women Quarterly. 38: 124–137. doi:10.1177/0361684313488354.
- Chrissie Sanderson. Counselling Survivors of Domestic Abuse. Jessica Kingsley Publishers; 15 June 2008. ISBN 978-1-84642-811-1. p. 25.
- Sorenson SB, Schut RA. Nonfatal gun use in intimate partner violence: a systematic review of the literature. Trauma Violence & Abuse. 2016 Sep 14. [Epub ahead of print]
- Power & Control in the Workplace American Institute on Domestic Violence
- "Children who are bullying or being bullied". Cambridgeshire County Council: Children and families. Cambridgeshire County Council. 2013-07-24. Archived from the original on 2013-10-29. Retrieved 2013-10-28.
- Ericson, Nels (June 2001). "Addressing the Problem of Juvenile Bullying" (PDF). OJJDP Fact Sheet #FS-200127. U.S. Department of Justice: Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention. 27. Retrieved 2013-10-28.
- Baibak, P; Hare, R. D Snakes in Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work (2007)
- Field, T. (2002). "Bullying in medicine". BMJ. 324 (7340): 786a–786. doi:10.1136/bmj.324.7340.786/a. PMC 1122715. PMID 11923166.
- Powers, J. L.; A. Mooney; M. Nunno (1990). "Institutional abuse: A review of the literature". Journal of Child and Youth Care. 4 (6): 81.
- Hopper, E. and Hidalgo, J. (2006). Invisible chains: Psychological coercion of human trafficking victims. "Intercultural Human Rights Law, 1", 185–209.
- Wilson, B.; Butler, L. D. (2013). "Running a gauntlet: A review of victimization and violence in the pre-entry, post-entry, and peri-/post-exit periods of commercial sexual exploitation". Psychological Trauma: Theory, Research, Practice, and Policy. 6 (5): 494–504. doi:10.1037/a0032977.
- Segerstron, S. C.; Miller, G. E. (2004). "Psychological stress and the human immune system: A meta-analytic study of 30 years of inquiry". Psychological Bulletin. 130 (4): 601–630. doi:10.1037/0033-2909.130.4.601. PMC 1361287. PMID 15250815.
- Zimmerman, C., Hossain, M., Yun, K., Roche, B., Morison, L., and Watts, C. (2006). Stolen Smiles: A summary report on the physical and psychological health consequences of women and adolescents trafficked in Europe. The London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine: Daphne, 1–28.
- Rafferty, Y (2008). "The impact of trafficking on children: Psychological and social policy perspectives". Child Development Perspectives. 2: 13–18. doi:10.1111/j.1750-8606.2008.00035.x.
- Rafferty, Y (2013). "Child trafficking and commercial sexual exploitation: A review of promising prevention policies and programs". American Journal of Orthopsychiatry. 83 (4): 559–575. doi:10.1111/ajop.12056. PMID 24164528.
- definition from Merriam Webster Online.
- Federal Commissioner for the Records of the State Security Service of the former German Democratic Republic: The Unofficial Collaborators (IM) of the MfS
- Egger, Steven A. (2000). "Why Serial Murderers Kill: An Overview". Contemporary Issues Companion: Serial Killers.
- Statutory guidance framework: controlling or coercive behaviour in an intimate or family relationship 05 Dec 2015 gov.uk
- University graduate from Poole admits controlling and coercive behaviour Daily Echo 27 Mar 2019
- Sarah Strudwick (Nov 16, 2010) Dark Souls – Mind Games, Manipulation and Gaslighting